Towel Down

“I’m going to the gym.  Will you be OK with him?” If the question wasn’t justified I could even be insulted.  Will I be OK looking after my 11 week old son?  Given I spend my weekdays at work, being left alone with Theo is quite a rarity.  A treat, a rarity and nothing to worry about right?

I’m still in the phase where I’m trying not to make any plans on weekends.  I want to spend time doing the day to day things that Katie does throughout the week; waking him up, morning playtime, putting him to sleep etc.  They’re all precious moments and I want to soak them in as much as possible.

So as Katie leaves the building having given me clear times to put him to sleep, wake him up and feed etc, I go about creating the best ever father and son vibe known to man.  Well, I put tunes on and start dancing.  He giggles and we both secretly know that this is where it’s at.  But after a few minutes this feels like hard work!  He’s not digging my dad moves anymore so I change tack and bring out Keiki the turtle and Mr Wabbit.  All good fun but after a while I realize that this is just not sustainable.  According to my FitBit, I’m burning calories!

I turn it down a notch and we make it to nap time without any incident.  I put him down to sleep and waste away thirty minutes watching the usual mixture of surf, tennis and animal videos that pepper my FB page.  The surf and tennis videos are my fault, the animal ones I blame on other people. There’s only so many times you can watch cats slide along hardwood kitchen floors.

It’s here where I make my first mistake.

I’ve been told that nap time finishes at 10 am. At 9.56 I wonder to myself if I can fit in a shower.  Surely it won’t take that long and a few minutes after 10 shouldn’t make a difference? Wrong.  I leave the shower at around 10.05.  Big mistake!  I walk past Theo’s room and he is SCREAMING.  Oops. Naturally I go straight to him, pick him up and try to calm him down.  I’m wearing only a towel at this point and I’m still dripping wet.

He’s crying because he’s hungry.  He doesn’t normally cry throughout a nappy change but given his dad has just let him go five minutes over time, Theo’s perfectly prepared to let me know I’ve screwed up.  It’s at this time I realise I haven’t warmed his bottle.  I quickly calculate that if I change him, then put the kettle on and then warm the bottle it’s going to take at least ten minutes.  Shit.

If anyone isn’t a parent of a newborn you may think that’s not a long time.  In fact, if you’re reading this and you’re not a parent then perhaps you’re in the wrong place, but welcome  –  AND ENJOY YOUR FREEDOM WHILE YOU CAN.

Sorry – just got distracted thinking about people who don’t have kids and do whatever they want whenever they want….

Anyway, where was I? Ah yes, ten minutes to me in this situation seems like a bloody long time.  Theo’s already going nuts so I need to act fast. In a bid to make up some time I need to put the kettle on ASAP, so I quickly pick Theo up with both hands and sprint down the hallway as fast as possible.  I switch on the kettle and sprint back to Theo’s bedroom but on this occasion my towel slips off.  I’m stark naked and have a naked baby I my hand.  And I’m dripping wet. Jeeeesus.

I make it back to the change table and get about sorting out Theo as quickly as possible.  The problem is I’m still naked and I’m wondering is this legal!? It’s a weird feeling wondering if you’re breaking child protection laws in your own home.  Where is Katie I wonder during all of this, but also hoping that, of course, she doesn’t walk in at any second.

With Theo all changed, and me still completely starkers, I then have to get to the kitchen to warm this milk up ASAP.  I take him into the kitchen and of course, all blinds are open.  FFS.

I grab the towel and thankfully cover myself just in time to warm the milk for Theo.  He’s still not that impressed with the whole saga, but as I manage to calm him down and finally give him some milk, he suddenly gives me a smile.  I think he secretly stitched me up.

I check my FitBit.  Who needs exercise when you have a baby to look after?

Help me go viral and I will buy you a beer.

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